Sky Wall

I know it would be a little bit self-destructive if I do so. If I'd revisit the moment every time I'll be reminded and play it on repeat in my mind. Since it almost feels like facing two different things at the same time. The feeling of warmth which goes beyond words but also kind of a terrifying vision if I need to loosen my grip on something I love so dearly.  I wish I could embrace it forever, yet the more I want it the more I see it walking away.  I wish I could express better and convince so it might stay, yet words could loose their meanings too when feelings prevail. Then I realize every time I decided to peek on what the future may hold, moments have a huge power to hurt. So let it be the moment that I should just live, in the moment. A moment when letting go feels like a big, big, tight hug. 

Mama memang nggak pernah bilang betapa kosong dan hancur rasanya ditinggal oma. Waktu oma pergi, mama berulang kali bilang kalau ia ikhlas dan lega karena oma nggak ngerasain sakit lagi. Mama nggak perlu lagi nanggung pilu liat oma nggak berdaya. Tapi dari cerita singkat berulang atau foto memoar masa kecil, update singkat di sosial media, sampai mimpi siang bolong kalau mama ketemu dan ngobrol sama oma, betapa mama larut. Mama bilang opa belakangan ini nggak bisa tidur nyenyak. Badannya sakit-sakit, katanya kesepian nggak ada oma lagi, rindu. Betapa oma selamanya mawar merah kesayangan opa. Pun sekarang kelopak2nya layu dan durinya yang tersisa, oma masih selamanya mawar merah kesayangan opa. “Namanya juga oma belahan jiwanya opa, grid.” Banyak pertanyaan batin muncul, salah satunya seberapa mara jika album ingatan senang bukan lagi sama rasa di masa sekarang saat lembarnya dibuka kembali. Haruskah tak lagi sama? Betapa tubuh fisik adalah fana namun apakah benar sanggup jika ...

Do we look like a family? This is a gratitude and apprecication post of our 10 years friendship, from 12th to 22nd, from nothing to growing something. After years passing by, we still have that same laughters and base camp, with same old memories of us to reminisce. Ketawa dan bahagia itu emang obat. Jarang chat di grup atau personal, tapi sekali ketemu masih sama heboh dan seru nya kayak dulu-dulu dan tahun-tahun lalu. Selalu percaya juga masing-masing pasti selalu dalam lindungan-Nya dan bener pas ketemu kemarin, semua sehat. Kangen Pramuka (dikit), soalnya panas-panasan sama pegel :( hee, kangen nggak belajar karena ada Misa atau Jalan Salib, kangen main kasti, banyak sih kangennya. Khalil Gibran ever said, "Together we shall be forevemore but let there be spaces in our togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between us." Looking forward to meeting each and everyone of you again and to have precious moment like yesterday. Onc...

17 Maret 2018 - Tuhan memberi kado terindah. Tuhan menuliskan jalan hidup seseorang dengan sangat baik dan indah di buku kehidupan-Nya, Ia juga yang selalu berhasil menata kisah seseorang dengan cara-cara sederhana namun mengejutkan. Dalam prosesnya, tidak melulu cerita yang menyenangkan, bisa jadi lebih banyak cerita yang disertai tanya besar misalnya mengapa ini dan itu harus terjadi. Sebenarnya, ada banyak pertanyaan dalam hidup yang memang tidak bisa dijawab begitu dilontarkan. Ada yang harus menunggu beberapa waktu, ada yang harus menunggu bertahun lamanya, bahkan ada yang sudah terlupakan hingga jawabannya tak kunjung terucap. Terlepas dari itu semua, pertanyaan lahir untuk sebuah jawaban yang jika diyakini, memang akan muncul di saat yang tidak terduga namun selalu tepat waktu. Jawaban yang mungkin diterima pun pada akhirnya tidak selalu membawa kepada kebahagiaan duniawi, namun memberikan kelegaan melalui pengertian dan penerimaan yang sebenar-benarnya, seluas-luasnnya. ...

Dear God, today is my birth day and I guess you already knew And even without I'm telling You, You won't forget it either. Probably, the opening will be sounded very ungrateful. May I tell You that I feel dissapointed, may I? I dont have such eagerness to be remembered by so many unknown and random people like an actress, or being admired like a model, or the other famous figures. But sincerely, I just wanna be remembered by the loved ones, by those whom I love and those who confess that they love me the same. I put myself in a very honest situation. I was hoping they would say those greetings and wishes, was hoping they were here together blending in my happy day, but the fact hit me a bit hard since some of them so irresponsive. Can't even deny, the selfish part of myself is trying to compare what I've done for them and seeking to justify myself that is a natural thing perceived by human being. Whereas the truth means I am neglecting Your words which said that...

2014. I want to set aside time for a moment, to see the days behind. Days that have been through and had left behind. I see happiness also sadness, encounter and separation, emptiness and completeness because of togetherness, also concord and commotion. Because they all like a pair of shoes that will always go hand in hand. I see the struggle and sacrifice in which there were fruits that I've reaped from the seeds that i had been sowed. I see a lot of things, all the pictures in the form of snippets that run very fast in my brain. I take a look back to the old days, not to regret but to contemplate. Pondering not to grieve, but to be happy knowing that in the end i receive so many valuable life lessons. I do believe every failure in 2014 was the beginning of success in 2015. And the success that has been achieved, is to keep us humble and stay grounded like the earth, warned me above the sky there is always another sky. Realizing the best motivator to yourself is your own self an...

Im done ! Dont look at me all that way cause it means a lot. It means a chance! while I know you wouldn't give me any just like others in the past." Says the brain. The heart notices but it works by sympathy, it keeps hoping therefor it wouldnt give up before trying. Whereas, the heart has known itself so fragile. How stupid. ••• I cant surely declare what kind of feeling that seems to tease me these days. Meeting new people could bring you such a bliss or either a grief for sure. But it depends, actually. Unfortunately, the misfortune has already locked in me. The worst thing about meeting new people accidently in a short time and without any obvious reason- you like them, is you'll never get to see them again moreover get along with them. So whats the point? One that kills cause it happens steadily or continually as a cycle. It never works between me and those people. Oh god why couldnt we? Ive been suffering with this solitude. It sometime makes me think that m...

Saya kangen banyak hal Kangen sekolah sih mungkin belum begitu tapi kangen yang lain Enggak semua hal di dunia ini harus berjalan konstan dan cenderung statis Memang seharusnya ada perubahan, walaupun yang lalu sudah dirasa pas dan baik Saya kangen sampe mau nangis Dunia berputar memang, manusia bertumbuh, lingkungan berubah, orang-orang datang dan pergi Sebaiknya yang lama sih tidak dilupakan tapi kalo memang sudah jalannya Mau bagaimana lagi? Mungkin bukan karna sengaja tapi kadang keadaan memaksa Begitu juga hal Saya kangen gambar Saya kangen main piano setiap hari Sekarang terlalu sibuk sama hal-hal kampus yang penting nggak penting Nyita banyak waktu dan tenaga yang jelas Pergi pagi pulang tengah malem Sampe kosan cuma numpang tidur sama mandi boro2 makan Tapi kata orang, hidup memang punya fase nya sendiri-sendiri Saya kangen banyak hal Saya kangen sama orang2 yang dulu Saya kangen sampe mau nangis Saya kangen banyak hal Yang paling2, saya kangen kumpul sama ...

Ya Bapa, ini aku anakMu Segala yang tersimpan dalam hati Sampai yang terlintas di pikiran Tanpa ku beritahu Engkau pasti sudah tahu Maka tak perlulah banyak berkata Seumur hidup aku percaya, Engkaulah yang paling mengerti Jalan dan rencanaMu lah yang paling baik!

I have listened to all advice I pray each and every night I also remember each time I cry And im tremendously tired as hell But still I'm l*n*ly br*ke*hea*t*d Its Really A Hurting Thing To Get Over ............

How could a person fall in love but at the same time feel the broken heart? Tell me how could it happen im not talking shit this is really happening Mr. Mayer could you please help me to find the answer I've been seeking and couldn't find any I've been waiting and no one seemed to come around i feel ... (sorry this may sound too cheesy) lonely and listening to your songs literally makes me crazy even more the worst i just cant stop but yes like what you said i know i aint crazy im just lonely and loneliness is a hell of a drug or perhaps God's right time hasn't come yet

I feel like, lately, life is such a super boring routine in a super unfriendly circumstances. You do the same things over and over again like a stupid robot which has been set by its maker before it works to do things repeatedly in order. And unfortunately, you don't enjoy it at all. I am extremely sick and tired. I know for sure which is referred as a need and which is referred as desire. And meeting you is completely a NEED - A GREAT ESCAPE - back then. Because you, the one I thought had a capability to lift me up and make my spirit soar, is long gone. I get so damn bored with my own life nowadays. Meeting and talking to the same persons at school or at class, also facing the same problem at home. They're entirely sucks, for many kinds of reasons. So, undoubtedly, I need another escape. so soon NOW Take me to a place, where nobody seems to be able to save me from my own happiness thingy Where there's only laugh and peacefulness so calm so quite Shhhhh.. No nee...

I just don't know what life brings to me. Whether those things are surprises or inescapable pain or trials or lessons.  Yang jelas, for the past few days, gue ngerasa orang-orang malah ngasih kado gue taik. But they seem to be fucking innocent. Manusia suka ngoleksi topeng ya. Munafik. Jarang yang tulus. i'd better make friends with dogs and pigs Yang kata lo hina itu. Dibilang jelek tapi masih sadar diri, dibanding lo yang cakep tapi gatau malu. Dibilang gak punya otak tapi masih bisa diajar, dibanding lo yang punya tapi bego. Dibilang gak punya hati tapi tetep setia, dibanding lo yang punya tapi dibiarin busuk. See? Shame on you. Go get a mirror and reflect yourself deh. World doesn't seem to add up lately. As yet, I feel randomly worse All things are just started going wrong all at once. And I just don't know how to react against the current. Actually, I need somebody to bring back the absence of my sanity But the fact nobody seems to understand....